Gay & Lesbian Musicians: Joan Jett

Joan Jett defined rock and roll for an entire generation of young girls who aspired to be like her.  The oft leather-clad singer is best known to the masses for her unique brand of simple, stripped-down, three chord rock and roll.  Her solid, gutsy sound is loud, raw, and performed with a defiant "up yours" attitude!  Stated simply, Joan is the total package; her sound and image contain every element needed to make a truly great rocker!

She combined the tough, swaggering image and beat of the Stones with the thundering power chords of bands like AC/DC, and the trashier elements of glam and punk rock to create her own personal sound.  Throughout her entire career, she has remained true to this formula, never changing her music or compromising her artistic vision.  She has truly proven that rock music is no longer just a man's world, and has done so by simply letting her talent speak for itself.  She has never made an issue of her gender by drawing undue attention to it.

Before Joan became the rocker that we know today, she entered the world as Joan Marie Larkin, on September 22, 1958.  She was born in a suburb of Philadelphia called Waynewood, Pennsylvania, where she lived until the age of twelve.  She then moved with her family to Los Angeles.  Then in 1973, at the tender age of 15, she had formed her first group and began playing gigs in the L.A. area.  The band quickly caught the attention of record producer Kim Fowley, who became their manager.

After renaming the all-female group, Fowley secured a contract for the band with Mercury Records, and The Runaways were born.  The band released three albums without having much success in The States...at least in terms of their record sales, that is.  Still, in spite of this, they did find popularity as a live act on the L.A. rock and punk scenes.  They also achieved a great deal of popularity in Japan before breaking up in 1979.

Their breakup left Joan facing an uncertain future, but this did not keep her down for long.  She decided to move to New York to pursue a solo career.  Once there, she began making the rounds, and was systematically rejected by every record label in town.  Her reputation for associating with the most notorious punk musicians of the day caused labels to shy away, as they feared that she would be difficult to control.  It was also rumored that she was a lesbian, which was yet another nail in her coffin as far as record executives were concerned; none of them wanted to touch her.

In fact, the issue of Jett's sexuality was something that had followed her for most of her career.  When pressed about it, she would neither confirm nor deny the lesbian rumor; she would always decline to answer the question, admonishing that it was none of anyone else's business.  It wasn't until much later in her career that she finally decided to address the issue once and for all, by allowing herself to be billed as an "out lesbian rocker" at one of her performances.

Sexuality issues not withstanding, Joan quickly grew tired of getting the runaround from labels, and eventually hooked up with producer Kenny Laguna, who then became her manager.  Together, the team released Jett's self-titled debut album in 1980, which Laguna financed by using the money he'd been saving as a college fund for his daughter to press the records.  They then sold the records out of Laguna's trunk, making Joan one of the first women in the business to start her own label, Blackheart Records. 

The album was very successful for an independent release, and that success helped to land Joan a contract with Boardwalk Records.  Upon signing with the new label, the title of that album was changed to Bad Reputation and re-released by Boardwalk.  Soon after, she formed her band The Blackhearts, and released her second album, which was titled I Love Rock & Roll.  The title track became a number one hit.

As her success continued to grow, she gained more freedom to do things as she pleased.  Although she walked a tough road to get there, she finally claimed her independence as an artist, and an out lesbian woman...and all without compromising her integrity and personal vision, or jeopardizing the career she had worked so hard to build!  No wonder so many young women see her as a role model!  Though she may be reluctant to accept that title, it is definitely well deserved.  May she continue to enjoy success as she entertains us all for years to come!

Rock on, Joan!

Gay & Lesbian Musicians: Rob Halford

When it comes to heavy metal singers, few others can even come close to matching Rob Halford.  His voice is completely unique, and his high-pitched operatic wails make his vocals instantly recognizable.  Given his status in the heavy metal community, it goes without saying that his singing style has influenced a countless number of artists who came after him.  In a career that has spanned more than three decades now, Halford has seen multi-platinum, worldwide success fronting the legendary Judas Priest, and has had an equally impressive solo career for nearly twenty years now!

The story behind the music begins on August 25, 1951, when young Robert was born to working-class parents in Birmingham England.  He first began singing as a teenager, fronting a local band called Hiroshima, while he worked as a theatrical lighting engineer by day.  That band didn't last long, and Rob went through a few other short-lived musical projects before his fortunes changed in 1973.  As fate would have it, Rob's sister was dating Ian Hill, who was the bass player of an up-and-coming local band called Judas Priest.  One day, several of the band members were hanging around the Halford home, and happened to hear Rob singing along to the radio.  Having just lost their previous singer, they immediately arranged a tryout for Rob, and he was quickly accepted into the group.

With Rob now fronting the band, their sound shifted more toward heavy metal.  It didn't take them long to build a local following.  By 1974, their first album, Rocka Rolla, was issued on Gull records.  Unfortunately, the material on the album was unfocused, and the record tanked.  With each successive release, however, the band honed its sound and its songwriting skills.  Their hard work paid off by broadening their worldwide fan base, and leading to a string of what are now considered to be classic heavy metal albums.

Priest's climb to the top began with their 1976 release, Sad Wings Of Destiny.  The album gave them modest success, and their popularity continued its slow but steady rise with future releases like Sin After Sin in 1977, Stained Class in 1978, and double dose featuring new studio album Hell Bent For Leather, as well as a blistering live recording called Unleashed In The East in 1979.  The last two recordings went on to have a profound impact on the heavy metal world by being the inspiration that launched many popular bands, including: Iron Maiden, Metallica, Megadeth, and Pantera among others.  Rob's influence on metal goes beyond his singing prowess, however.  His stage apparel also came to define the heavy metal look.  He would arrive dressed from head to toe in black leather and studs, and driving a Harley onto the stage!  In addition, his stage presence as a performer, and his ability to work an audience are second to none.  Simply stated, he is the quintessential heavy metal singer!

By the dawn of the 1980s, Priest had a rabid underground following, and they continued to focus on broadening their sound in an effort to reach mainstream success.  It would take a few more years for them to reach the level that they had their sights set upon, but their efforts to achieve this really showed in their Eighties releases.  Even though the band had shown steady artistic growth with their past records, the albums released during this period were much more focused and polished than past records had been.  On each of these the material was stellar, and they brought the band one step closer to their goal.  Finally, their 1984 release Defenders Of The Faith pushed them over the top, making the band a headlining arena act.  They finished out the eighties with four more successive multi-platinum albums, and ushered in the 1990s with their most monstrous creation to date: an album called Painkiller.  By this point, it seemed they were only poised for even greater success.

As it turned out, that was not meant to be.  Once they had finished the massive tour for the album in 1992, Rob announced that after twenty years, he was going to leave the band.  His reasons had nothing to do with the band itself; he loved being in Priest, but he had carried a desire to experiment with other musical styles that could not be expressed within the framework of the Judas Priest sound.  Fortunately, the split was completely amicable, and everyone remained on good terms.

Upon his exit from his former band, Rob embarked on what would be an extremely successful and creatively satisfying solo career for him.  He immediately set himself to the task of forming a new band.  The result was a group that he called Fight, which was very similar in style to Painkiller-era Priest.  Fight would go on to release two full length albums: War Of Words in 1993, and A Small Deadly Space in 1995, as well as a disc of remixes called Mutations that was released in between these records.

After disbanding Fight in the latter half of 1995, Rob signed a deal with Trent Reznor's label, Nothing Records.  He formed a new project called Two, which released a single album in 1997 called Voyeurs.  Despite the fact that it's industrial sound was far different than anything Rob had done in the past, the album still did reasonably well.  However, its sales were far below those of any other project he'd been associated with.

It was also around this time that Rob finally addressed long-standing rumors about his sexuality, by announcing publicly that he was gay.  This was a fact that had previously been known only by his band mates and those close to him.  They had tried to keep it a secret for fear that it may damage his career, but it was long suspected by many fans who had picked up on subtle references in his lyrics anyway.  Some were probably also tipped off by his leather clad look that was known to be a popular mode of dress among some certain groups of gay men.  The story came via MTV news in 1998.  In his announcement, he said that he hadn't even felt comfortable enough himself to publicly address the issue until then.  Surprisingly, the metal community responded with an outpouring of support, quickly laying to rest any fears that Rob may have had about alienating his fans.

Following this, Rob took a brief rest before returning with a newly formed group that bore his last name in 2000.  Halford was a return to his true heavy metal roots, and the closest thing in his solo career to the classic Priest sound that he was known for.  The band pumped out a total of three albums, including their self-titled debut in 2000, another concert recording called Live Insurrection in 2001, and a second studio release called Crucible in 2002.  And new releases continue to pop up every few years!

Through all of this, rumors that Rob would reunite with Judas Priest were continual.  Metal fans were elated when their wishes came true in 2003.  The original Priest has since released two more albums, Angel Of Retribution in 2005, and Nostradamus in 2008.  Both recordings were accompanied by very successful world tours that saw the band performing at the top of their game and seemingly prepared to continue indefinitely.

Of course, no one can predict the future, but where Rob Halford is concerned, one quickly learns to expect the unexpected!  At the age of 58, he shows no sign of slowing down...and one look at his impressive resume is proof that he is not an artist who will ever be content to rest on his laurels.  Judging by what he has given us in the past, it seems safe to assume that we will be hearing from the Metal God for a long time to come!

Finding The Best Gay-Themed Films: La Mission

This 2009 film is a great one that I happened to stumble upon one evening while I was browsing Netflix.  It was one of my recommendations offered by the site based on my previous viewing history.  Prior to finding it there, I had been completely unaware of it.  My interest was piqued by the synopsis provided, so I figured I would take a chance and check it out.  I was just about to add it to my queue when I saw that it was available on Netflix streaming service.  Perfect!  I didn't have to wait to see it!  Instead, I just hit the play button and watched it right there on my PC!

As the title implies, La Mission is set in the Mission district of San Fransisco.  Benjamin Bratt stars as Che Rivera, a recovering alcoholic and ex-con with a typically macho view of the world.  When Che discovers that his son, Jesse (Jeremy Ray Valdez), is gay, all hell breaks loose.  He makes this discovery when he comes home one evening to find Jesse asleep in his room, and happens to notice a pile of snapshots of Jesse kissing his boyfriend on the bedside table.  When confronted the next day Jesse admits the truth, and his father flies into a rage!  Refusing to accept the news, Che angrily proclaims that Jesse is now dead to him!  Their fight turns physical, and Che orders Jesse out of his house!

During their estrangement, Che develops a friendship with an upstairs neighbor by the name of Lena (Erika Alexander).  The friendship gets off to a rather rocky start, but the two are finally able to get past their differences.  As the friendship progresses, and the bond between them grows stronger, Lena helps Che to realize that he can't just abandon his son, who needs him more than ever at a time like this.  So Jesse eventually comes back home, but things don't really improve much.  Che still can't accept his gay son.  The two of them do make attempts to communicate, but always end up walking away from the conversation.  They basically spend their time walking on eggshells and tolerating one another more than anything else.

Things pretty much continue on this path until tragedy strikes.  Jesse lands in intensive care after a run-in with a couple of thugs who had been harassing him since discovering his sexuality.  As Jesse slowly recovers, Che maintains a constant vigil at his bedside, as does Jesse's boyfriend, Jordan...at least until he is angrily confronted and threatened by Che.  When Jesse recovers fully and learns of the confrontation between them, he again leaves home.  With his son no longer in his life, Che slips to his old ways and begins drinking again.  Jesse, meanwhile, goes off to attend college at UCLA, not knowing that his dad is sinking deeper and deeper into despair.

While I did enjoy this film, I have to say that I was rather dissatisfied with the ending.  I can't really tell you why without giving it away, so you'll have to watch for yourself as far as that is concerned.  Aside from that, it was great.  The performance of all the main actors here is entirely authentic, brimming with a heart and soul that truly brings these characters to life.  Although, the story here will certainly not win any points for its originality, the movie is well-written and moving.  Some of the confrontational scenes between Jesse and his dad can be difficult to watch for some, but they do accurately reflect the struggles that often take place between gay teens and their parents.  The pace gets a little slow in spots, but the quality of the acting lends enough reality to the characters that you really end up caring about them and want to know what happens to them.  All things considered, this is a great film that I would highly recommend!

Finding The Best Gay-Themed Films: Prayers For Bobby

Prayers For Bobby is a made-for-TV adaptation of author Leroy Aarons' 1995 book of the same name.  The film originally aired on the Lifetime Network in 2008 and has recently come to DVD.  Based on a true story, Prayers For Bobby stars Sigourney Weaver as Mary Griffith, a mother who is forced to come to terms with the death of her gay son by suicide, after her well-meant but misguided campaign to "cure him of his sickness."

The story begins in 1979.  Bobby Griffith, nearly sixteen, realizes that he is gay, which sends his world into a tailspin.  Having grown up sharing his mother's faith and beliefs, Bobby knows what the church and the world...and even his own family thinks of gay people.  Terrified, and believing that he's headed straight for the fires of Hell, Bobby tries to resist his feelings, while keeping them a secret from everyone.  Finally, when the struggle becomes to much for him to bear, he decides to commit suicide by swallowing an entire bottle of aspirin, but can't bring himself to go through with it.  When his brother Ed wanders into the room to find the pills scattered all over the floor and Bobby lying motionless on the bed, Bobby finally confides in him, swearing him to complete secrecy.  In the end, however, Ed's concern for Bobby gets the better of him, and he reluctantly breaks his vow of silence.

When Mary hears the news, she does the only thing that she knows to do.  She turns to her Bible, and the faith that has always provided the perfect cocoon of safety for her.  She convinces herself that if they are faithful, God will heal Bobby.  From then on, she wages a relentless Spiritual war against her son's homosexuality.  Leaving Bible verses taped all around the house that warn of the sin of homosexuals, she continuously badgers Bobby to be steadfast in his faith, to pray harder in order to resist being tempted by his “sinful nature.”  Together they tried everything imaginable to get Bobby “on the right path again.”

What Mary didn't know was that Bobby was already dealing with his own guilt and shame, because he shared her beliefs and was repulsed by his own inclinations.  He was already trying with everything in his Soul to “change,” and was disgusted by his inability to conform, which proved him weak in his own eyes.  Her constant badgering only caused his already strong sense of self-loathing to increase exponentially!

Finally, after three years of this, Bobby is at his wits end.  He finally realizes that this is not going to change, and he quits trying.  Unable to bear his mother's tirades any longer, he moves to Oregon to live with a cousin.  For a brief time, things seem to improve, but Bobby is still unable to reconcile his sexuality with his own Spirit...and it doesn't help that Mary's admonitions keep coming, both by phone and by mail.  By mid-summer, he had reached his breaking point.  On August 27, 1983, Bobby was walking home alone from a night out, and as he crossed the bridge above the freeway overpass near his home, he climbed over the side, jumped directly into the path of an oncoming 18-wheeler, and was killed instantly at the age of twenty.

Following Bobby's death, a distraught Mary went looking for answers.  Limited education and a complete ignorance of anything to do with homosexuality had forced her to rely solely on her religious faith for guidance in Bobby's situation.  For Mary, that faith was what had provided her with security and peace; before these events, it had always provided her with answers when she didn't understand.  But this time, something had gone horribly wrong.  When her own church proved to be no help whatsoever, Mary began to educate herself.  She read everything she could find on homosexuality, and began attending services at the local branch of the MCC, a gay-friendly church.  In her time there, she slowly began to learn that The Bible's words left room for other interpretations than the ones that she was taught.  Armed with this new knowledge, she began a very critical scrutiny of The Bible, and came to understand that The Bible states many things that are no longer enforced or put into practice in today's churches.  This was a comfort to Mary, because it allowed her to believe that Bobby could be in Heaven, but at the same time, it also brought her to the terrible realization that her efforts to “change” Bobby had been tragically wrong!

The guilt that she felt at this realization nearly consumed her.  Realizing that she had done a grave injustice to her son, she vowed from that point on to spend the rest of her life making it right.  She has chosen to take the story of her personal tragedy to the world in the hopes that no other parent should ever have to pay the terrible price of ignorance as she did.  Now, at 76, Mary travels the country telling her story and working tirelessly to make the world a safer and more loving place for others like her Bobby.

Prayers For Bobby is a wonderful film.  The acting is first-rate, and the gravity of the story will keep you riveted.  There are some minor changes in the film version, but overall it is a very good adaptation of the book.  More importantly than all of that, this film (and its accompanying book) have probably saved countless lives.  This is a story that should be read or seen by every parent, and every so-called “Christian” who sits in a church pew crying “Amen” as their fellow human beings are slandered, ridiculed, and persecuted.  Stories like this are very common among the gay community, and this illustrates all too clearly the dire consequences that can come from ignorance and blind, unquestioning faith.

More On The Use Of Insulting Words

Recently, I published an article discussing my opinions on the use of insulting words.  I was surprised and very gratified to receive some very positive and thought-provoking responses to my words.  The comments that I received from those who read that piece raised some very good points on the issue that I had not considered when I wrote the original article, and I felt that those points should be addressed; hence, this companion article!

Before I get into the specifics on this, I want to be perfectly clear about the fact that I was in no way advocating the use of these words for abusive purposes.  Thankfully, my readers realized this and understood what I was trying to communicate.  My intention was to open a respectful and civil dialog on the subject, and if the replies that I received are any indication, then I succeeded in doing that; my readers certainly gave me much to consider.

One of my readers pointed out that while there are many insulting words that have been "reclaimed" by the groups at which they are aimed, their use should remain exclusive to that group of people.  This is a very valid point, because when these words are used within the particular group that they describe, they take on a completely different connotation; they are used with an understanding and acceptance that robs them of their usually hateful meaning.  She went on to say that their are some words which she felt could never be "reclaimed" in this way.  One of the examples she gave of a word which cannot be "reclaimed" is the horrible "r" word used to refer to those with mental disabilities.  This is also valid.  In this case, even when such a word is being used in jest, a person with severe mental disabilities may or may not have the capacity to make the distinction between joke and insult. Let's face it, that distinction often treads a very fine line, even for those who are in full possession of their faculties.  Therefore, it would always be hateful to use such a word.

Another of my readers stated that while she understood my point, she felt that the examples that I cited from my own experiences were unique to my specific case, and didn't necessarily justify the use of these words by everyone.  I have to say that I completely agree with her point as well.  Whenever you may be in doubt as to whether you will insult someone by choosing a particular word, it is wise to take the safe path, and not do it.  These are all perfectly reasonable and logical truths, and I never intended for my previous article to dispute them in any way.  I was merely trying to communicate my personal belief that if you allow yourself to become insulted by a non-hateful use of any word, then you are giving those words a power over your life that they should never have.

I guess my belief about this was shaped by my upbringing.  I grew up with Cerebral Palsy, and knowing that I would probably be teased and ridiculed by the ignorant, my parents taught me that my own opinion of myself was far more important than what others said about me.  The most important thing was to like the man I see in the mirror.  This was a lesson that they drilled into my head over and over from the time I was a small child.  This gave me a very strong sense of self, and a very thick skin.  So for me, even when these words are being thrown at me in a hateful manner, I tend not to care as much as some would. 

Regardless of what others may say, I know exactly who and what I am...and what's more, I like who and what I am.  I do not define myself according to the opinions of others.  Since I have this wonderful inner knowledge of myself, why should I waste my energy feeling negative because of the hateful words of an ignorant idiot who doesn't even know me well enough to make such an assessment of my character in the first place?  The way I see it, that person's opinion should never matter to me.  That makes sense, doesn't it?

Can Insulting Words Ever Carry A Positive Connotation?

The idea for this article came to me some time ago during a conversation by instant message with one of my Internet friends.  I found the conversation so interesting that I wanted to write about it but I was hesitant, because it was a very sensitive topic, and opinions about it are likely to be polarized at best.  I spent the days that followed thinking about our talk; I just couldn't get it out of my mind, so I decided for better or worse to sit down and express all of my thoughts on the matter.

What were we discussing, you ask?  Well, I'm still not sure just how we got started on the subject, but we got into this great debate on the use of the word fag, and other such insulting terms.  Like me, this friend was also gay, and he was saying that he wished people would realize how hurtful that word is, and how angry it always made him to hear it used.  He also remarked about how surprised he was that some of his other gay friends did not seem to mind its use, and sometimes even referred to themselves as fags.

I told him that the way I saw it, there were two ways to look at the situation.  First, I let him know that his point of view was definitely not wrong; there are many who agree with him.  Many gay people are horribly insulted by the word fag, and other such slurs...even when they are used in jest.  But on the other side of the coin, there are a lot of people out there, (of which I am one), who believe that there are some instances when those words can have a positive connotation; it all depends on the context in which they are being used.  Some people feel that those words are only insulting when it is obvious that they are being used in a manner that is meant to be deliberately hateful and hurtful. 

You see, words in and of themselves are never good or bad; it is the manner in which a person uses them that makes them either good or bad.  And just because certain words have come to be associated with negativity does not mean that they can't have any kind of positive meaning.  These words only become insulting when it is clear that the users intention is maliciously hateful; otherwise, they are only words...and words can only have as much power as we allow them to have in our lives.

Allow me to illustrate my point with examples from my own life.  When I first realized that I was gay, the whole idea of it made me very uncomfortable; I was very much in denial about it.  I did a lot of reading and research trying to understand my feelings, and learn about life as a gay person.  I even did counseling for a brief time, and one of the suggestions that they made to help me get comfortable with who I was is to have a sense of humor about the whole thing...to laugh about it as much as possible and poke fun at yourself in a good-natured way.  So that's what I did.  I joked about it and often referred to myself as a fag in a humorous way.  Doing that helped me in such a profound way.  Without it, I am not sure I would have been able to become comfortable with my sexuality at all...and I am absolutely certain that I would not have been able to do it as quickly as I did.

I have a very good friend who was there for me through much of this difficulty.  We shared so much during that time, and are so close because of it.  She is now known affectionately as my favorite fag-hag, and I am her favorite fag!  When we refer to each other in this way, there is nothing hateful or negative or malicious about it at all.  The terms are used very playfully and affectionately.  It is a very positive vibe between us.  In fact, many of my straight friends use the word fag in reference to me...always with the same affection, of course.

So to me, use of the word fag is not always necessarily a negative thing.  As I said earlier, it is only negative when the word is being used with hateful intentions.  And you can always tell the difference between the hateful use of the word and the type of use that I have described here.  I think that the key to making sure that you don't offend anyone is simply to always use the word with extreme caution and care.  You have to use your own judgment on a case-by-case basis.  In each case, you must know the people around you very well, and just be sensitive to their feelings about its use.  If they hate it and are offended by it, don't use it around them; however, if they do not mind it being used in a playful way as I have described here, then I feel it is okay to do so. 

Does "The Gay Agenda" Really Exist?

The term "gay agenda" first came into widespread use in 1992.  It is a phrase that continues to be used by certain anti-gay religious groups who oppose the gay lifestyle, and who feel threatened by the fact that so many gay people are demanding their equal rights under the law.  They seem to feel that so-called normalization of the gay lifestyle would only come at the expense of heterosexuals.  What sort of convoluted logic they used to arrive at that monumentally ridiculous conclusion is anyone's guess, but many believe it nonetheless.

We've all heard them spouting their malicious rhetoric that us gay folks are a threat to the sanctity of family and marriage, but when you really get down to brass tacks, all of this is clearly nothing more than a scare tactic.  The term was invented, and has consistently been used as a propaganda ploy to convince everyone that gay people have some sort of “hidden agenda” and are deviously plotting to infiltrate the ranks of what they consider to be "moral" society.  It always amazes and saddens me that there are so many who really believe this garbage.  Anyone who has had any sort of exposure to the gay community, whether they are gay themselves or know someone who is, can attest to the complete and utter absurdity of such claims.

The irony in all of this is that when the term first entered the public vocabulary, there was no such thing as a "gay agenda."  In reality, the anti-gay religious groups who coined the phrase shot themselves in the foot by doing so.  Their belief that a "gay agenda" did exist brought more attention to gay issues and the plight of gay individuals; all they really did was help to bolster the gay rights movement.  In many ways, their anti-gay campaign actually resulted in the complete opposite of its intended effect; it had an almost renewing effect for those who were involved in the fight for gay equality, motivating them to work even more diligently.

Thanks to the exposure that the gay rights movement received as a result, the gay community did develop an "agenda" of sorts, but the true meaning behind it was actually far less sinister than the term itself implies.  The only intention of the so-called "gay agenda" has always been to achieve fair and equal treatment under the law for LGBT persons.  We have never wanted to be given "special" rights as many of these groups have alleged.  We have simply been asking for equal access to the same liberties that others in society already enjoy.

Some of the social changes pursued by the gay community include the right to marry whomever we choose and have that marriage legally recognized, the right to adopt and raise children, the right to hold a job based solely on our qualifications for that job, and the right to serve openly in the military without fear of harassment or violence.  In all of these situations, a person's sexuality has no bearing on his or her abilities to succeed, and should therefore not become an issue which excludes them from the opportunity to do so.

Over a period of several years, gay rights organizations have made progress toward realizing those goals.  The progress has been slow, of course, but that is to be expected.  Every major shift in societal thinking is always hard-won, and often takes years to achieve.  However, the fact that this progress has come in small steps does not lessen its significance.  Gay marriage has now become legal in several states, and more are expected to follow soon. Since this article was originally written, the “Don't Ask, Don't tell policy instituted by the military has been repealed, allowing open service by gay and lesbian individuals.  Adoption has also passed in a handful of states, but is still blocked by most.  But in spite of all this, many of the basic rights that most enjoy have continued to be denied to or revoked from those of us who are gay.

Unfortunately, with each step taken toward the realization of equality, those who oppose the gay lifestyle have collectively become more and more disgruntled.  Realizing that their original statements about the so-called "gay agenda" hold no validity, they began to back-peddle, quickly redefining what they consider to be the threat posed by this mythical "agenda."  Among other things, they make the outrageous claim that the only reason that we want to secure the full benefits of legal marriage is so that we can use the marriage tax credit to support organizations that will destroy heterosexuality, and that once we achieve this, we will divorce one another for the sole purpose of mocking the sanctity of the institution of marriage.  And as unfortunate as it sounds, the lies do not stop there.  They have made a whole list of other equally insulting claims, which are so utterly ludicrous that they do not even deserve to be dignified with a response!

Luckily, the majority of sane, rational people do not believe any of this to be true.  Most can easily see this nonsense for exactly what it is: a completely unwarranted and malicious attempt to smear the character of a community of kind people which only wants to be treated with the same dignity and respect that every human being is entitled to, and be left to live their lives in peace!

That's Not What MY Bible Says

I usually don't advocate censorship in any form, nor do I see very much that I find offensive enough to raise a fuss about.  In fact, I am often amused by those who are so offended by something on the Internet that they are motivated to loudly demand its removal.  Most of the time when I view something that has been considered offensive, I have to confess that I usually can't figure out what the big deal is.  And believe me, if you knew who was writing this, that statement would carry a lot of weight.  I am a person who has very definite and passionate opinions about what is or is not offensive!

For the most part, I tend to avoid these kind of debates because I feel it is a waste of time and breath to argue with idiots who refuse to listen to reason no matter how much evidence you can produce to show them they are wrong.  But that has all changed for me now.  I was online recently, just innocently browsing through You Tube, when I came across a video that stopped me in my tracks.  It was a music video for a song called The Bible Says, By Donnie Davies.  (See Video Below). Sounds harmless enough, right?  I mean, what's the worst that you could hear in this song?  Surely no more than a few over-zealous rantings from another religious nut case, which are easy to ignore and certainly nothing new to most of us.

So, just for kicks, I decided to watch it for myself.  It turned out to be a song (or a parody of a song) denouncing homosexuals and homosexuality, in which the lyrics state that "God Hates Fags."  Of course, this kind of offensive, hateful garbage is nothing new to us gay folks; we have been hearing it for so long that we've pretty much learned to tune it out and chalk it up to ignorance.  I don't usually get offended by the use of insulting words; after all, they are only words.  Unless they are clearly and deliberately hateful as this was.

Before I get into my personal commentary on this particular video, I have to say that I read several of the user comments accompanying it.  Most of them said that it was meant as a joke, and should not be taken seriously.  But there were also a great many others who found it extremely offensive.  After checking out the website for his organization, which he calls Love God's Way, I definitely fall into the latter category.  The site states that Davies is a reformed ex-gay that has been healed of his homosexual desires, and that he is now on a mission to save everyone from these deviant sexual behaviors.  To me, devoting an entire website to this kind of hatred is no joke; if it was meant to be one, the joke has been carried too far.

As far I'm concerned, whether this was serious or meant as a joke is irrelevant.  Either way, it is in extremely poor taste and I am not amused!  I have to say that the word offended doesn't even begin to cover my reaction!  This is one of the most appalling things that I have ever had the misfortune to witness.  As a gay man who considers himself a Christian, this absolutely sickens me!  It is nothing more than a blatant misuse and abuse of God's word.

This kind of nonsense is the exact reason that I don't put any stock in organized religion.  I simply refuse to tolerate the outrageous level of hypocrisy present in most churches.  Not even to mention the verbal and emotional abuse that many gay people like me are likely to suffer at the hands of people who claim to be loving, God fearing Christians.  I have just seen so much un-Godly activity going on in so many of the churches that I have been to, that my attitude toward organized religion has been irreversibly soured.

Two things: first of all, God does not hate, He loves!  To associate His name with any form of hatred is the height of blasphemy!  God is never the cause of pain or hate.  He heals and restores, and He has commanded us to love one another and not be judgmental. And please notice that I used the word commanded, not the word requested!  This is obviously something this "devoted Christian" has forgotten...if he ever knew it in the first place, that is.  Secondly, I happen to believe that this kind of Spiritual bullying is not acceptable and should never be tolerated under any circumstances.  Everyone should be welcomed to enter God's house without fear of being judged, and without being made to feel uncomfortable.  In my eyes, there is absolutely no justification for excluding any group of people from having the freedom to worship as they choose.

To conclude, it is painfully clear to me that this poor soul wouldn't know God if Jesus himself walked up in human form and slapped him across the face!  If he did, he would realize that The Lord weeps for him in his blindness and ignorance!  I hope he receives mercy on judgment day...he is definitely going to need it!

Is Homosexuality Natural?

There's an old saying that the surest way to get into an argument with someone is to discuss one of two subjects: politics or religion.  While that may be true, it is not necessarily the complete truth, because that list of hot topics should be expanded to include homosexuality in general, and this question in particular.  This question has long been the subject of fiercely heated debate; few others can open that proverbial "can of worms" like the issue of nature vs. nurture.

I feel that homosexuality is an issue that can never be fully understood unless it has been a part of your personal experience; if you have never experienced homosexual feelings or had to deal with the related issues that arise from them...either for yourself, or because of a friend or loved one in your life who is gay...then there is no possible way that you could even begin to comprehend it, and you are therefore not even qualified to be debating the question in the first place!  With that said, here are my views on the subject.

The first problem that we encounter when trying to answer this question, is that no one seems to be able to agree on exactly how the word “natural” is to be defined in this case.  Using the most common definition of the word, natural is defined as “anything that exists in or is created by nature.”  Accepting that definition of natural, the question then becomes: does homosexuality occur in nature?  If one makes a thorough enough study of that question, they will find hundreds of examples that homosexual behavior occurs among every species of living creature in nature on a daily basis!  Therefore, it is perfectly reasonable to state that homosexuality among human beings is natural as well!

Homosexual people are as ordinary as any other group of people, and we have existed since the beginning of time.  We come from every walk of life, and in every form of appearance.  We enter the world in the same manner as every other type of person.  Anyone who takes the time to really know us would immediately see that our lives are no different than those of any other group in society.  We are not alien invaders hatched from pods; we are not clones created in a mad scientist's laboratory; therefore, it stands to reason that the definition of natural stated above would apply to us every bit as much as it applies to anyone or anything else!

I have never understood the logic that leads people to believe that homosexuality is chosen; it is just a complete mystery to me how anyone could ever arrive at that conclusion.  Consider how gay people are regarded by the rest of society.  We are hated; we are socially ostracized; we are accused of “recruiting” people into our lifestyle; we are accused of being child molesters, and sometimes even far more heinous things...and that's without even mentioning the horrible acts of violence that are often perpetrated against those of us who are gay.  A person would have to be completely out of their mind to deliberately choose something that invites so much prejudice, hatred and ridicule into their lives.

Even though it has been more than thirty-five years since the medical and scientific communities removed homosexuality from their lists of mental disorders, and in spite of the fact that there is an ever-growing amount of data which suggests that there is a genetic link to homosexuality, that evidence is still mostly ignored.  And those in religious and political power have done everything they can to discredit this information as false; unfortunately, people are still all-too-content to believe the rhetoric that these leaders are so fond of spouting.

But let's stop and think about this for a moment.  As a straight person, could you ever be persuaded to change your sexual orientation and become gay?  No?  I didn't think so.  Have you ever been approached by someone on the street or at your front door who has asked you to become gay?  No?  Well, so much for the idea that we “recruit” folks into the gay lifestyle.  There's two grossly stereotypical myths shot to hell!  As for the whole child molester thing, (which, by the way, turns my stomach), all you have to do is read a few statistics which can be provided to you by any law enforcement agency to see that the largest percentage of sexual molestation acts that are perpetrated against minors are committed by straight white males.

Since I am a homosexual person, I am very much aware that most people out there will automatically assume that my statements in this article are nothing more than an attempt to defend my “choice” to be gay, and will therefore dismiss them as untrue.  However, I can assure you that they are nothing of the sort.  Regardless of what others may say, homosexuality is not a choice, and it cannot be changed.  Therefore I have no need to defend my natural orientation, which I believe to be a wonderful gift from my loving Creator.

Gay people cannot change our attraction to members of the same gender any more than straight people could change their attraction to members of the opposite gender.  If there is anyone on earth who knows that from personal experience, I do; it is a lesson that I spent most of my life learning the hard way.  If you have read any of my past articles, my inner struggle about these issues is made more than clear.  I spent years living in total denial of my sexuality, and trying desperately to “change myself.”  I tried everything I could think of to do that; so believe me, if there were a way to change one's orientation, I would have found it.

Gay Pride Vs. The Right To Privacy

In the past, I have been a member of several gay message boards where I have shared my views on a wide variety of gay issues.  This article is about a question that I have posed for discussion on most of them.  It is a subject that I have been interested in for some time, and I have always been surprised and fascinated to see how others react to my point of view about it.  Surprisingly, I have received only a small amount of positive feedback on these statements.  For the most part, the reaction has been decidedly negative.  I have to admit that I was more than a little shocked by that fact.

Before I ask the question, I always like to take a moment to make myself clear and avoid any misunderstandings.  I like to let people know up front that I am not trying to be judgmental; it is not my intention to insult anyone, so I hope they will not take offense if they find my remarks to be a bit mean.  I ask the question simply because I want to hear other people's point of view on the matter, and I want to find out if they feel that my opinions about it are misguided in any way.  Then, with the disclaimer out of the way, I usually take a deep breath, and dive in.

So, what is the question?  Well, I'm glad you asked!  The topic: pride vs. privacy.  The question: If someone prefers to maintain their privacy and not discuss the details of their private life with others, should they be accused of being ashamed of it, or trying to hide it?

I pose the question because this has happened to me on occasion.  For years now, some have accused me of being ashamed of the fact that I am gay because I choose not to discuss the details of my private life with others, and I only tell people that I am gay on a “need to know” basis.  It is my view that just because a person chooses to keep their private life to themselves, that does not mean that they are ashamed of it in any way.  It simply means that they do not wish for the entire world to be aware of their personal business, that's all.  I have always felt that what I do behind closed doors is none of anyone else's concern; the only two people who need to know what goes on in my private life are me and the person with whom I happen to be sharing it...no one else.

Maybe this is just me, but it seems like a certain segment of the gay community (and by that I mean some gay people not all of them...I would never make a huge generalization like that) tend to take the notion of being “out” a bit too far.  In some cases, it appears that every single thing in their entire lives revolves around their sexuality.  For some, it almost seems that if they didn't define themselves as gay, they would have no idea who they really were as a human being.  They give the impression that their sexuality is the sole component of their entire identity.  Now, I understand that we are talking about only a very small segment of the gay community as a whole; the majority of people are usually much more private, I find.  However, I am still quite bothered by this way of thinking for a number of reasons.

I mean, I am not the least bit ashamed of who I am.  I am very proud to be a gay man.  I would never deliberately try to hide that fact from anyone, nor would I lie about it if I were directly asked.  But honestly, I do not volunteer the information when it is not necessary.  I have never felt the need to broadcast my sexuality to the world as if I were on the six o'clock news.  To me, a person's sexuality is a deeply private thing, and only they should decide how it is expressed.  As far as I am concerned, no one else has the right to tell me that I am ashamed of being gay just because I choose to express my sexuality in a more subtle way than they do.  As I said, I tell others on a “need to know” basis.

My reasons for feeling this way are quite simple, actually.  Although I am very proud to be a gay man, being gay is only one part of who I am.  I am also a lot more than just a gay man; I am someone's son, someone's brother, someone's uncle, and someone's friend.  I am a kind, loving, and intelligent human being with a wide range of interests.  I am a published author. I'm a songwriter and a musician who plays several instruments.  I am a trained actor who performs in little theater.  I am all of these things, and I refuse to let my entire identity be defined by something that is only one tiny piece of who I am as a whole person; that is so limiting!

I don't judge anyone else if they choose to be open and very vocal about their sexuality, but I have often felt that some people have passed judgment on me for being less vocal about this very private matter.  They somehow seem to feel that I am betraying the rest of the gay community, or that I am being less than honest by remaining silent on personal matters when it is not necessary to bring them up!  So, am I just being overly sensitive about the issue, or what?

Also, there is something else that I have noticed about this "loud and proud" segment of the gay community.  Those who think this way seem to have an unhealthy obsession with sex for the most part.  Of course this is not always true in every case, but it has been true in most of my experiences.  Others may feel differently and that's OK.

I have made some gay friends who are like this.  They never seem to get sex off their minds for a single second.  Maybe it only seems that way because the subject of sex tends to completely dominate every conversation that I have with them...I don't know.  But in any case, I would love to hold an intelligent conversation with them just once without having to discuss who is doing what with whom in the bedroom.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against sex!  I am definitely willing to make a time and place in my life for sex; you can be sure of that.  And I do believe that sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it should not be the sole basis of the relationship; there are other things in life as well.  Besides, no one else really cares or wants to know about someone else's sex life...at least that's the way I see it

I have yet to understand why the majority of people react so negatively to the things that I have said here.  I must confess that these reactions have really caused me to question myself at times.  Are my views offensive?  Am I somehow being disloyal to my fellow members of the gay community?  According to the feedback that I have received from others, the general consensus seems to be that I am.  It makes no sense to me, but as soon as I figure it all out, I will let you know.

Oh, and by the way, I'd just like to end with a funny little side note.  As I was finishing up this article, I had a thought that I found amusing.  I have sat here for about the last 1,200 words going on and on about keeping my private life to myself, and yet here I am writing articles about it to be published on the Internet!  How's that for irony?

Gay Relationships: Dealing With Jealousy And Insecurity

I was having a very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine recently, and he inspired me to write about this topic.  During our discussion, we turned to the subject of how jealousy and insecurity effects a relationship.  At first we were just discussing relationships in general, but then he asked me if I thought that these issues were a bigger problem in gay relationships than they were in straight ones.  Since these two issues are usually the cause of major relationship traumas, I figured this would be the perfect place to examine this.  So here are my thoughts.

When my friend first asked the question, I was sort of at a loss.  I didn't really know if I could answer honestly.  Although I have been thinking a lot about it for the last couple of days, I have to say that I am still no closer to reaching a definite answer.  I have to admit that to my mind, it does often seem as if jealousy and insecurity are more of a problem in gay relationships.  In my view, we do seem to be a little more possessive in relationships than our straight counterparts.  Yet I cannot quite bring myself to state that as an absolute truth.  After all, just because something appears to be a certain way, that does not necessarily make it true; in which case, it would be unfair to jump to that conclusion.  And even if it is true in some cases, it certainly cannot be true in all cases.

But I think that the bottom line is that jealousy and insecurity are just human traits, and in the end, the issue of gay or straight does not even need to enter into the discussion.  Let's face it, there are some people who are prone to jealousy and insecurity, and there are some who are not.  That is true of both gay and straight people alike.

Ultimately, I think it would be of much greater value to examine the effect that these feelings have on a relationship.  This issue can be viewed from two angles: from the view of the jealous party, as well as from the view of the person at whom the jealousy is directed.  And I will try to examine both points of view here.  But no matter how you look at it, the effect of jealousy on a relationship is always negative; nothing good has ever come from it.  It is always destructive to everyone involved in the situation.  Trust is an absolute must in any relationship; once that trust is destroyed, it is only a matter of time before the whole relationship falls flat on its face, so to speak.  That's the only thing that I can say with any degree of certainty.  That being said, let's examine both sides.

If you are the jealous party, then you have some decisions to make.  First, you have to figure out if your jealousy is warranted or not.  This is often where the problem begins.  When we get jealous, we don't think very clearly, and we often wind up jumping to conclusions.  It is unfair to accuse someone of being unfaithful based on a mere suspicion, because you could turn out to be wrong.  I think you must have some sort of concrete proof before you would even consider accusing your partner of wrong behavior.  If you accuse your partner unjustly, then the trust between you is destroyed for no good reason.

Sometimes, however, we come to find out in the end that our jealousy is warranted and our suspicions are true.  If this is the case, then you have two choices: you can either try to work it out and trust that it won't happen again, or you can end the relationship and move on.  But I think that no matter which of these solutions you choose, you must do it completely.  If you decide to try and mend the relationship, you must devote yourself fully to doing so.  If your partner loves you, then they will make the same effort.  If they don't make the same effort, then they never really loved you as much as they claimed to; in which case, you are better off without them anyway.

On the other hand, if you decide to end the relationship, then do it completely.  No more discussions, excuses, phone calls, e-mails, or any other kind of contact!  Make a clean break. Heaven knows that breaking up is already difficult and painful enough as it is, so for God's sake, do not prolong the drama!

OK, now lets take a look at the other side of the issue.  If you are the person at whom the jealousy is being directed, then you need to stop and take a good look at your own behavior.  If you know without any doubt that you have done nothing to warrant the jealousy that your partner is showing toward you, then you need to decide if you want to stay with a person who is insecure, and always suspicious of every move you make.  Personally, I would not stay, but that's just me!  In my view a person should not even consider entering into a relationship unless they are first happy and satisfied with the person that they are themselves, and they know what they want out of their lives.  Let's face it, if you are unhappy and insecure with yourself, you don't have a prayer of ever making someone else happy in a relationship.  You cannot expect your partner to "complete you."  That is not only unfair to them, but it is an unrealistic expectation, and one that is impossible for anyone to fulfill.

Many may disagree with me on the following point, but I have found that most of the time when people are insecure in relationships, the issues causing their insecurities often have little or nothing to do with their partner.  They can often stem from things that happened years before they even met their partners.  The only way that they can become secure in who they are is to attack those issues at their source.  You need to resolve all of your own issues about self completely before you even think of entering into something as complicated as a relationship, because relationships are hard enough to handle without bringing all that extra baggage into them.  That may seem unrealistic to most, and maybe it is, but it's not untrue.

However, if you have done something to warrant the jealousy that is being directed at you, then for God's sake be an adult.  Have enough guts to stand up and be honest with your partner about it and accept the consequences for your actions.  If you ever had any real and true feelings for your partner in the first place, then that is the only fair and honorable thing you can do.  Yes, it will probably destroy your relationship, but after it was over, at least you would be able to look in the mirror and know that you behaved like human being instead of a louse.  And with any luck, maybe you will learn from the mistake, and not repeat it in future relationships!

Well...there's my two cents on the subject for whatever it's worth.

Film Review: For The Bible Tells Me So

The issue of Spiritual violence against those who are gay, and whether or not The Bible really is gay-friendly have both been touchy subjects for years.  Now, a 2007 documentary film brings those very issues to the forefront.  In his film For The Bible Tells Me So director Daniel Karslake attempts to answer that question, as well as examine the issue of Spiritual abuse endured by the gay community at the hands of Fundamentalist Christians.  According to Karslake and the various members of the clergy who appear in the film, the answer to that question is yes...The Bible really is gay-friendly.  Or at least that's what they set out to prove

I watched this film at the recommendation of a good friend, who found it to be a great comfort Spiritually, and thought that I would feel likewise; but in all honesty, I wasn't as impressed as he was.  While I do agree with their take on Biblical matters, I still felt that the film fell short in a number of ways.  Before I get into the reasons for my dissatisfaction, however, I would like to say that I could see what they were trying to express, and I wholeheartedly applaud them for their efforts; I think that any time someone even attempts to promote tolerance and love for all people, that is a truly wonderful thing.  The makers of this film definitely deserve credit for the fact that their intentions were properly focused. Unfortunately, I felt that even though they had their sights set on the right target, they simply failed to hit the mark.

I think the main beef that I had with this film is with the way that it was put together.  In an attempt to cover both sides of the issue, the director has intertwined footage of the clergy who attempt to make the case for a gay-friendly Bible with footage of the opposition loudly protesting the gay lifestyle, and spewing hatred in the name of God.  You can clearly see that his intention in doing this was to present an opposing viewpoint, and then refute it.  Sadly, I just didn't think that he effectively achieved that goal.

Then, to make matters even more confusing, he goes on to tell the stories of four different families who have dealt with these Biblical issues, and attempts to show how they overcame their misgivings about having a gay child, and learned that The Bible doesn't condemn homosexuality.  While the stories are sometimes heartwarming and sometimes tragic, for me, they only added to the film's already chaotic feel.  With all of this different footage running together, the end result just felt completely jumbled and disjointed.

Another thing that I felt was lacking here was that I expected there to be a much more in-depth study of The Bible passages in question.  However, they were barely touched upon, which was another crippling blow to the case that they were trying to present.  They didn't give a clear and logical reason why their interpretation should be believed over another.  The clergy who argue for a gay-friendly Bible came across sounding as if their word should be believed just because they said it was so.  I mean, let's face it...The Bible is a very volatile subject.  If you are going to tell someone that their interpretation of it is wrong, then you'd better be prepared to offer some pretty compelling proof that yours is right.  You can't make many of the claims they do, and just expect people to buy it without providing sufficient information to back up your statements...especially if you hope to change deeply ingrained beliefs that for most people, have been held since their earliest childhood; to me, this film simply did not succeed in doing that on any level.

I sat through this entire movie with one burning question on my mind.  I kept asking myself: “If I were a straight, staunchly conservative, Bible believing Christian, would these arguments be strong enough to convince me to change my views on the matter?”  Now remember: this is coming from a gay man who agrees with the viewpoints presented, but as much as I wanted to answer “yes” to that question, honesty just wouldn't permit me to do so.

The bottom line with a movie of this nature is that presentation is everything.  The movie had some great information to offer, but that information was incomplete, and was organized in such a haphazard way that it severely weakened their arguments on a number of issues.  To me, these basic flaws made their case far less convincing than it otherwise might have been.  They gave it a good try, and if I were rating the movie based on effort alone, I'd give it five stars; but as it is, I'm afraid the end result is only mediocre at best.