I have always been a fan of ironic humor, so I guess it should come as no surprise that I now find so much of it in my life journey as a gay man. The difficulties that I experienced in coming to terms with my orientation have been well documented in my past articles; there is no need to rehash them here. The process of becoming comfortable with my orientation was such a nightmare for me in so many ways that I never thought I would ever be able to see anything humorous about it. Now that I have made peace with my identity, I can say that it is very gratifying to have reached a place in my life where I can find humor in my gay experience. Now that I look back on that whole period of time though, I see that there was so much humor in all of it that I was blind to at the time. Seeing that humor in hindsight has reminded me that there really is joy and laughter in all things, if you will only look in the right places; it is all a matter of perspective.
Nowhere is this humor more evident than on the Internet. I'd like to illustrate this point by sharing a few of my own online experiences. I have been a member of several friendship and chat sites for years; I have profiles on Myspace, Friendster, and a slew of others. On every single one of them, it states very clearly that I am a gay man. There are also many rainbow backgrounds and other gay pride materials which should give sufficient clues as to my orientation. I have noticed lately that in spite of all of this, a large majority of the messages and friend invites that I receive are from straight women wanting to entice me into subscribing to some adult service, or inviting me to have cyber-sex on webcam. I have to admit that I find the irony of this totally hilarious! I get more attention from women as a gay man than I probably would have ever gotten if I were straight!
I mean, don't get me wrong...I certainly realize that I am not the only one to receive these spam e-mails. I also realize that most of the time these messages are sent out blindly in bulk, and they usually don't even bother to read the profiles. However, that makes it even funnier in my eyes. I mean, most of these ladies work for straight adult sites, and yet they write to gay men. I guess they could use a few business lessons on how to effectively locate and sell to their target market!
Not only do I receive a larger number of these spam messages since identifying myself as gay, but I have also received a very large number of letters from real women who are looking to meet someone! I used to write them back and try to explain in a polite and kind way. Now, I don't even respond anymore. It's not that I'm trying to be rude, I just get too many to answer. I figure that the information is there on the profile in black and white; it's not my fault if they don't see it.
In fact, I actually had one woman who wrote to me so many times that I finally had to block her. She was constantly writing to ask why I never responded; didn't I find her attractive? I was absolutely dumbfounded! HELLO...look at my profile! Can you read? Do you speak English? Apparently, you seem to have a bit of trouble grasping the meaning of the word homosexual, so please allow me to enlighten you! This means that I am attracted to and sleep with men exclusively! So unless you are about six-foot-two with broad shoulders, a hairy chest, and bulging biceps, you only have two chances at catching my eye: slim and none!
Please do not be offended by this; I promise, it's nothing personal. I have no doubt that you are a very lovely woman, and I assure you that this has absolutely nothing to do with your looks, your femininity, or your womanhood. If you would like to be my friend, I would be all for that. However, if you are looking for anything more than friendship, you are barking up the wrong tree, plain and simple!
The whole experience has started me thinking about something that has always been a complete mystery to me. I will never understand why so many straight women out there seem to see it as their duty to “change” us gay guys. It seems to be sort of like a quest for them or something. It is always the same line: “Oh, you're not really gay, you just haven't met the right woman yet!” Believe me, ladies, we have all heard that line so often that we can recite it in practiced unison while simultaneously rolling our eyes in exasperation!
In fact, this seems to be a mystery to most gay men. We have been trying to figure this out for years, and we have yet to arrive at a satisfactory answer to the question! It just seems so sad to think that women like these are wasting their feminine wiles in the futile pursuit of gay men, when there are so many deserving straight men who would revel in their attentions! When will the ever learn, the poor dears...
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