I'm not sure why, but I have recently noticed that the subject of getting older has been occupying my thoughts a lot more often than it used to. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I will be turning forty-three in just a few short months...or maybe it's just because I have been in a very reflective mood lately. I really don't know which is the case, but whatever the reason for my interest, I find myself making a genuine effort to understand the aging process.
Having spent a considerable amount of time pondering the subject, there is one thing that I have come to realize about aging, and that is the fact that human beings never seem to be satisfied with anything. When we are young, all we want is to be older; when we get older, we become obsessed with finding ways to look, act, and feel younger. As a child, I never used to understand what grown-ups meant when they used the expression “youth is wasted on the young.” Now that I'm older, I not only understand it, but I'd have to say that I agree with it wholeheartedly. Youth itself is a very frivolous thing by nature, and the young definitely spend it in a manner befitting its nature.
To be perfectly honest, I really don't understand why there is so much negativity associated with the subject of aging. It is certainly true that many things change in our lives as we age, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the physical, mental, and emotional changes that we experience along the way should always be viewed as a bad thing. There are many wonderful and valuable things to be gained from getting older, things which I believe are more than fair compensation for the small things that we sometimes lose. Unfortunately, most people don't share my view on that point. Usually, our society as a whole tends to focus on what we lack instead of what we have to be grateful for.
Like most, I look back on my youth with a great fondness, but I also look back with a small touch of regret as well; I suppose we all do that to some degree. Most of us don't realize until we are much older what a wonderful gift it is to be youthful. Often, we rush right through our younger years, living under the misguided assumption that we are immortal and our blissful youth will last forever; thus we never take the time to truly appreciate or enjoy what it means to be young. It is that lack of appreciation that we regret upon later reflection.
As we get older, the realization that we aren't quite as immortal as we thought ourselves to be creates for us an emotional dilemma which can only be described as the ultimate irony. When we are young, we spend every waking moment wishing to be older, because we yearn for the independence and freedom that adulthood brings; we long for the day that we will finally be free from parental authority. Then, one day, just when we think we can't wait for it another moment, adulthood finally arrives...ushering in a whole new set of authority figures to be obeyed and even more difficult challenges to be met. We are thrust into a world that the naivety of our youth has led us to believe will provide the same carefree and simple existence to which we have become accustomed.
It is only when adulthood fails to live up to our expectations that we truly realize how precious our childhood and adolescent years are. Unfortunately, when that long-awaited adulthood finally appears, we very quickly discover that it falls considerably short of our expectations in many ways. Although we now have the freedom and independence that we have so eagerly sought, we are suddenly confronted with what seems a harsh reality: the freedom of adulthood comes with a price tag attached! Along with that freedom and independence comes not only responsibility, but also accountability.
By the time that we reach adulthood, we slowly begin to realize how many responsibilities we have been sheltered from because we have had our parents there to take care of them for us. For the first time, all of the lectures that we get about being dependable and accountable begin to make sense. Although they try with everything they have to teach us independence and responsibility, parental messages usually fall upon deaf ears...at least until experience has slapped us in the face with a little reality, that is!
But as hard as our parents try to prepare us for adulthood, there are some ways in which they simply cannot do so; there are certain things in life that can only be learned by experience. It is these unknown challenges which cannot possibly be anticipated that are the most shocking to us when we suddenly have only ourselves to depend on. If we had known that we were going to have to deal with issues like this as adults, perhaps we would not have been in such a rush to grow up. Sadly, by the time that this revelation hits us, it's too late to do anything else but live with the regret of having frittered away the gift of our youth.
This sudden change of heart causes us to regress a bit. We look back to the memories of our youth, often seeing the foolishness of some of the choices we made then, and wishing we could take them back; we finally see the value of what we had then, and wish that we had appreciated it at the time. This sets us off on an often lifelong quest to recapture and relive the youth that we regret having misspent. Our vanity motivates us to spend thousands of dollars buying gym memberships; we torture ourselves with crazy diets; we desperately try every anti-aging concoction under God's Creation, clinging to the empty promises of every snake-oil salesman who claims to have invented the fountain of youth...all in a completely futile attempt to regain the vitality and youthful appearance that we long for.
Frankly, if I live to be five hundred years old, I will never understand the mindset that causes us to behave this way. Why do we fear getting older? Why do we get depressed with every birthday? Why do we complain almost constantly about it to anyone willing to listen? Why, in some cases, do we base our entire concept of self-worth upon such shallow considerations as youthful outer beauty and physical perfection?
Although there is usually a myriad of complicated reasons for this behavior, making the answers to those questions different for each individual, it isn't really hard to figure out how this aging phobia has been shaped. From the time that we are born, we are constantly bombarded with the message that youth and beauty are good, and aging is bad. The aged are viewed as infirm and absent-minded. Often times they are regarded as burdensome. Personally, I find that attitude reprehensible! Youth, on the other hand, makes us more attractive; youth brings us more joy and fulfillment; youth makes us more valuable to society.
We cannot escape this message; it surrounds us on all sides. By the time we reach our late teens to early twenties, we have spent years receiving this message on a daily basis...from our peers, from the media, from our employers, or any one of a hundred other sources. With that kind of pressure, it seems almost impossible to avoid succumbing to the brainwashing.
I find it inexcusable that we continue to perpetuate such a misguided myth, in spite of the amount of documented emotional and psychological damage that it has been shown to cause. For many people, it causes the self-esteem to plummet. In some cases, it even causes people to resort to extraordinary and often harmful measures in an attempt to meet the impossibly unrealistic demands we place on ourselves where our appearance is concerned. Now, granted, that is usually only true in the most extreme of cases, but that's beside the point as far as I am concerned; it shouldn't be happening at all...ever! I am of the opinion that every human being is valuable and beautiful, and has much to contribute to society!
Our quest to achieve and maintain eternal youth often becomes so single-minded that we fail to realize the many advantages that come with age. For example, age brings with it a much broader range of experiences, which ultimately leads us to a greater understanding of ourselves as individuals. More often than not, this improved sense of self helps us to shed many of the insecurities that we carry through our adolescent years. Rather than trying to “fit in” or be “one of the crowd” as we do in our teens, age brings us the confidence to define ourselves in the way that we choose, rather than accepting anyone else's vision of who we should be; we finally begin to feel comfortable in our own skin!
Wisdom and self-control are two more immensely beneficial qualities that are gained from having a few years under our belts. Usually, our perspective and our priorities undergo a profound change as we age. Experience teaches us the priceless value of humility and gratitude. The value that we gain from understanding and implementing these qualities is, in my humble opinion, immeasurable. I don't know about anyone else, but in my view, we become stronger by admitting our faults and shortcomings; it gives us a greater appreciation of other people and shows us what a blessing others can be to us when we allow them to!
As it slowly begins to dawn on us that our existence here is a finite thing, we learn to truly slow down and appreciate all of the things that frivolous youth allowed us to take for granted. We learn to appreciate the simple joys. We learn to laugh more; we learn to love deeper; we learn to forgive rather than fight. We learn not only to see the beauty that surrounds us, but also to take the time to truly relish the experience. I just can't understand how people can see that as a negative thing. If this is what the advancing years lead to, then to my mind, there is definitely something to be said for aging gracefully!
No comments:
Post a Comment